time: 8:22PM
mood: eepy
currently listening to: anyathena (lexity) gets worse. Part 3 | deep dive
So, it's been a year. Probably one of my worst years of my life. Living in the US as a queer, trans, disabled person has gotten incredibly bad. Two family members died. I lost my job in the first half of the year and have been unemployed since. I had a mental breakdown. I went to the hospital and found out I have liver cirrhosis because of newly diagnosed Autoimmune Hepatitis, Ulcerative Colitis, Splenomegaly + Anemia + hypertension as a result of the AIH. I'm moving cross country to live with my parents again in a little over a week. It sucked!
I also met my very wonderful girlfriend, right at the end of 2024 and we got together in Feb this year. I think they are the best person I've ever met and I feel very blessed to have them in my life. I'm so deeply and genuinely in love with her. I couldn't imagine being able to make it through this year without him. They live in another country though, and every night I go to bed with this deep, eternal yearning and sorrow in my heart that I'm not sleeping next to them. I want to move and live with them, marry them, spend the rest of my life with them. I love her so damn much. So, life's not all that bad.
The world is cruel and hard to survive, and it won't magically change next year. We're all struggling through this time together. Please keep the knowledge in your heart that we can live through this, and the world will keep turning no matter what. You might as well stay in it and enjoy the good when it does come. We'll all die eventually. It's weird how facing your own mortality after being suicidal for so many years will suddenly make you realize that there's still so much in life to live with.
Peace and Love forever.